


Happiness Is Just A One-Click Order Away

by tonsilfoodcourt



Category: Internet Personalities, Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Absolute Clowns In Love, F/M, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, In Character, Pegging, Sort Of, bottom cody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 06:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19969873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonsilfoodcourt/pseuds/tonsilfoodcourt
Summary: “Cody! We didnotspend $200 with expedited shipping for you to bitch out on me.”(Porn. Despite all the memes this didn't exist yet, and TMG AO3 needed some Men Get Pegged.)





	Happiness Is Just A One-Click Order Away

It’s one thing to make jokes, get too deep into your second bottle of date night rosé (maybe third, okay, who’s counting?) and click _PayPal Checkout_ from the shopping cart screen. Suddenly you’re looking at a confirmation email and that’s that, whatever, good joke. 

It’s another thing entirely to actually open the discreet shipping box on your kitchen table, pull tissue paper and bubble wrap off a leather harness that chimes almost ominously in your hands as its metal fixtures clink together.

Not to mention the dildo, which is both bigger and somehow sleeker than Kelsey had expected, more like a state-of-the-art new product for her makeup table than the lurid carnival toy she’d imagined. 

It had taken a couple more glasses of wine to work up to cutting it out of the clamshell casing. But honestly, it’s kind of cool. It’s kind of sexy.

And from the way Cody holds it, almost shyly, when she hands it over, she can tell he thinks so too. The way he negs it almost immediately, like if he doesn’t impress this silicone dick by saying something witty it’ll start screening his calls.

“I guess stamina isn’t a problem, huh, even if it is a little cold.” 

“I think it warms up as you go.” 

“You’ll have to let me know,” Cody says, dismissive as he hands it back, like she can’t see the way he keeps looking at it out of the corner of his eye, like he’s doing mental math on its dimensions. How he moves almost self-consciously when he pushes his bangs out of his eyes and then sandwiches his hand against his side, under his opposite arm. 

This isn’t the first time he’s made her talk him into something _fun._ “Cody! We did _not_ spend $200 with expedited shipping for you to wuss out on me.”

Kelsey finds that it’s very good for gesturing with, this dildo - there’s a satisfying bounce to it when she jabs it at Cody’s chest. It glances off his sternum lightly and they both stare at where it settles, cradled over Cody’s t-shirt in what he only sometimes lets her refer to as his _bosoms._

“Damn,” Cody murmurs, something that makes her shiver in his eyes when he finally raises them to meet hers. “Acting like you’ve got that thing strapped on already, huh?” 

He’s hooked, almost too easy.

Kelsey lets her hand drop, rubs her free palm reassuringly up his chest to his shoulder instead and steps in to kiss the corner of his mouth. Cody lets out a breath, almost a sigh - but it becomes a laugh when she says “Like I need a dick to make you my bitch, _bitch”_ and turns to carry her new treasures to the bedroom, extra swagger in her step. 

She doesn’t look up when he follows her in and walks past where she’s settling down to unfold one of several instructional pamphlets.

She doesn’t grin, either, until he’s set her glass of wine down on the nightstand for her and shut the bathroom door behind himself with a muttered “I’ll just uh. Clean up, then.” 

_Damn_ is right. She really _did that._

\--

She gives in to the urge to run her hands flat down the length of Cody’s back. He’s tense, startles under her touch in a way that makes her feel weirdly powerful.

And a little mean, maybe. “Relax, baby,” she says, trying for sultry and falling short - but the effort is there.

“How you gonna take all of mommy’s dick if you’re so tense?” 

Cody laughs, damn him. He turns around to look at her over his shoulder. “Kelsey - “

 _“Mommy,”_ she corrects, smacking his ass because it’s right there, after all. And that...does something. Huh. She and Cody just look at each other for a moment, startled. 

And then Cody shakes his head the smallest amount, stretches and settles back down on his forearms, gripping the sheets. “Okay, _mommy,_ look. I’m relaxed.”

He says it a little sarcastically, but also not, because how does anybody arch their back like that without meaning it at least a little bit? 

Kelsey bends forward to kiss his neck like he might have done to her, if their positions were reversed. She leans down flush against his back, chin tucked over his shoulder so her breasts press up against him, and she knows the dildo does too because Cody’s breath catches in his throat, he groans in a shuddery anticipatory way she’s not sure she’s heard before. 

She kisses his cheek. Puts an arm around him, massages one pec light like she’s trying to be soothing. It still feels strangely powerful. She could get into this dynamic, maybe, holding all the leverage. Like, _really_ into this. “Such a good boy. You wanna get fucked tonight?” 

“Nah, this is just my comfy lounging stance, you know?” Jokes are Cody’s armor, Kelsey knows. She finds she’s ready to strip that off him, too.

She sits back and uncaps the lube the internet had recommended for this toy, one more piece of the whole beginner-friendly kit they’d swiped into the shopping cart like playing a game. 

A fun game, it’s turning out. 

“Cody, _be good.”_ The dildo shifts when her hips do, still pressed up against him, and Cody makes a sound. It’s very aggressive, having a dick hanging between your legs. A little awkward, a little fierce. How distracting, if Cody feels like this all the time.

“Why’d I take my nails off if you don’t wanna get fucked?” 

“Nng.” The back of Cody’s neck is flushed. Kelsey can imagine his face right now, knows he’s probably glad she can’t see him herself. It makes something go taught in her stomach, the way he drops his forehead to the pillow for a moment to ground himself before he replies.

He’s embarrassed, and he always copes with that by giving it back times ten. His voice has something of his fuckboy parody in it when he speaks, nasal and too loud. “I _do_ wanna get fucked, mommy, you _know_ I do. Fuckin’ blow out my fuckin’ back with your massive dick, Kelsey, c’mon and make me your little _bitch.”_

(It’s not particularly massive, as a matter of fact. It’s pretty average sized. _“I don’t know if I can deal with you having a bigger dick than me,” Cody had said, scrolling through options. “And definitely not like, an angry color.”_

 _That’s when Kelsey had realized this was happening, it wasn’t just a joke anymore. “Yeah, okay. Tiny_ pink _meat gang.”)_

“Oh my _god,”_ Kelsey says, mostly just impressed, so of course Cody continues - but he moves back against her in a way that makes it suddenly less like a sketch from his podcast and more like he means it. “I wanna feel your fat cock in my _boy pussy,_ mommy, fuckin’ work me _over.”_

“Do you?” On impulse, or a hunch, Kelsey reaches around to feel for Cody’s dick, grinding her own against his ass while she does it.

Cody’s shoulder jerks like he wants to stop her, almost, but he stills and then just groans when she finds him just as hard as she is. “Fuck, you _do.”_

She means to say it teasingly but it comes out almost awed, like she’s got a gift she wanted more than she thought, that she doesn’t know what to do with now that it’s actually hers. 

Except she knows exactly what to do with it.

She lets go of Cody’s erection and sits back up, ignoring the whiny protest she gets from Cody. “Be patient,” she says, “Stop being a brat for once and let me - let me get you wet.” 

Cody takes her lubed finger easily, blows out a breath that catches a little when Kelsey tries a small in-out thrust. He pushes his bangs out of his face and risks a glance back over his shoulder at her. “Can you - keep talking? It’s kind of weird just having you, like, back there.” 

If Kelsey called him out every time Cody did something hypocritical, they’d never talk about anything else. So she smiles reassuringly instead, squeezes the meat of Cody’s thigh where she’s been bracing her free hand.

“Of course, baby. I’m just getting you nice and - ” two fingers slide in to the third knuckle and it makes her kind of breathless herself, sends something hot down her center. “ - ready for me” 

“Need you just as wet as I am,” She adds, experimentally, and Cody actually clenches around her, shuddery tremor running through him. _“Jesus,_ Kelsey.” 

Her fingers are kind of slim, so she adds a third, moving slow. “Do you think that’s enough, um - practice?”

Cody makes a sound he’d probably describe as a moan, but it’s a whine.

Maybe it’s not just a figure of speech, _drunk on power,_ because Kelsey feels it now. “Mommy wants you to feel _good,_ you know.” 

_“It’s enough.”_ Cody shifts and lays his palms flat on the mattress again.

His right hand is damp and pink with irritation along the pointer finger, and Kelsey realizes he’d been biting his knuckles. That makes her rush a little to lube up her dildo, fumble the bottle closed and somewhere in the vicinity of the bedside table (or the floor, the floor is fine too). 

She’s not even going to feel this, not like Cody would if it was him fucking her, and yet she feels almost dizzy with how excited she is as she gets the head of her dick lined up with his entrance. The harness feels tight in places, but the booklet said it would stretch and mold to her _through use._

She can’t help feeling conscious of the not-quite-nakedness it gives her, like she’s got an unfair advantage over Cody under her with only the assets he was born with. Like she’s in control, and Cody is all hers.

“I’m gonna fuck you now, Cody, is that what you want?” 

“Yeah,” he says, pushing back on her until she has to use one hand to still his hips. If they’re fighting for dominance now, she’ll win. “Just put it in, _fuck.”_

She puts it in. If Kelsey had thought it felt powerful pressing up against Cody with an erection between her legs, it’s nothing compared to the feeling of doing it with that dick _inside_ him, the way she can push forward, long slide until she bottoms out and can just lean all the way over Cody with her hands on his hips.

 _“Oh my god,”_ they both say, not quite in unison. Cody makes a sound that’s almost like a sob, breath hitching in his lungs, but he’s not crying. 

Kelsey had had some thought of teasing Cody, some clever things she could say to parody the way he talks when he’s fucking her sometimes, but they’re all out of her head now. The outside edges of her knees are pressed up against the inner sides of Cody’s calves, and she shifts a little to try to create more space to thrust.

But Cody flails an arm around behind him, grabbing at her thigh, the edge of her hip to try to still her. “No, no, stop - just don’t move, I’m gonna - “ 

His voice is choked, unnatural like his throat is tight and even as Kelsey says “You’re gonna come _already?”_ she believes him. It makes her feel lightheaded, like all the blood in her body is between her legs where she feels swollen, almost in pain.

 _“God,_ Cody,” she says, because this is all on her, _she_ did this. It’s all she can do to lean around him and grab his erection (high whine as her movement changes the angle of hers inside Cody, sounding almost like the word _please)._

Kelsey barely has to stroke before he’s coming, the muscles in his back spasming under her as he shudders through it in waves. It feels especially intense. It’s hard to compare from this perspective, but the way Cody says _“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck”_ like he’s forgotten every other word in the dictionary is new and incredible. 

The way he goes limp after is more familiar, even if the way he groans softly when Kelsey slips her dick out of him isn’t.

She sits back and takes a deep breath. Her thighs feel slippery where she clenches them together, moaning Cody’s name because he’s all she can see even with her eyes closed. 

That seems to snap him out of his daze because he rolls over onto his side, out of the wet mess on the sheets he’d made, and looks at her. His face is flushed, hair stuck with sweat to his forehead and temples. Cody looks _fucked,_ and that just makes everything more urgent for her.

She says his name again, helplessly, and he sits up and moves toward her. “Come on,” he says, “I’ve got you.” 

“Let me just - “ she’s fumbling with the buckles to get the harness off, move it out of the way when Cody stops her.

“It’s fine,” he says, “leave it.” And she can’t help groaning at the way he pushes her over onto her back and when her head hits the pillow he’s there above looking down at her, _all_ of her, like he’s seeing her for the first time all over again. 

“What are you gonna do,” she asks, feeling giddy, pretty sure the answer’s still _anything you fucking want._ “Suck my dick?” 

“Gross,” Cody says, “I know where that’s been,” and she would reply but he puts his mouth on her neck and lies down on her with his whole body, all the weight of him like she loves.

It’s different with the dick there - she feels it lying flat against her stomach and knows Cody can, too, because he presses hard against it with his hip while he works a hand between her legs where the belts of her harness split. 

She moans, because he knows what he’s doing and wastes no time filling her up with his fingers and then working his thumb over her clit where she needs it. “Is that good, _mommy?”_ Cody says, voice as ragged as she feels now, and then she can only shudder, pull him close to her as she comes. 

She’s glad he’s on top of her afterward because it feels like she needs it to pull herself back together, like her soul may have actually come out of her body for a moment. Cody rests his forehead against her cheek while she breathes through it, eases his fingers out of her and then gently under one of the leather straps where it’s starting to chafe her inner thigh. 

“Fuck,” she says finally. 

_“Fuck,”_ Cody agrees. “I need a nap.”

He’s quiet for a moment while he helps undo the buckles where he’s found them, and just as Kelsey starts to turn her head to look at him, worrying he’s having some kind of crisis of masculinity after all, he says “So did the manual say if your dick is machine washable?” 

And then all they can both do is laugh. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I'm just another tiny meat lesbian with too much time and not enough creative outlet or boundaries. This says nothing about real Cody and Kelsey, it's just a couple of characters styled after them. Don't be creepy, keep this out of their view, please! 
> 
> My TMG tumblr is [@tastes-like-piss](https://tastes-like-piss.tumblr.com/), keep sending me your most cursed anonymous tmg opinions there.


End file.
